Self-destructive Behaviours - Why We Engage In Them And How To Overcome

Being and acting selectively may be convenient and go along with what pleases us but it can have catastrophic consequences.

Emotional Overload And Numbness - How To Be Free

Being and acting selectively may be convenient and go along with what pleases us but it can have catastrophic consequences. By avoiding to look at a part of ourselves that composes hard unpleasant truths, we cannot overcome what disturbs us because we need to see the whole picture in order to understand and only through understanding, overcoming can come.

Idolizing joy and pleasure in order to deny and hide from hard truths within is a defense mechanism on a conscious level but an auto-destructive mechanism on a subconscious level.

Physical harming allows us to change our perception from the hurting within to the hurting of the body and the use of chemical substances allows us to temporarily find relief from the pain within.

So even though we consciously know these ruin us, subconsciously we associate physical harming, chemical substance use and other vices and compulsion for joy and pleasure with relief from the hard truths within and so we are able to go on without shutting down our social life and social obligations.

And on top of that, there are reactions we implement in life that act as drivers that empower all these actions that provide temporary relief and long-lasting negative effects:

COMMON SELF-DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOURS - HOW TO OVERCOME

Super numbness: It acts as a shield, allowing us to avoid continuing to get hurt and disappointed but also acts as an oppressive dictator that does not allow us to develop within what is essential for a life of happiness. It is usually a constructed reaction built within, by choice.

Developing a numb/cold personality makes us lose the perception of the beauty stored within, which leads to the feeling of not deserving to get better. It (being numb) creates the illusion of strength because it associates indifference/coldness with emotional strength, because as there is no crying, no desperation, no dwelling in pain, we believe it means strength, when in fact it means weakness because such accomplishments (not rarely achieved by repression) are done by the fear that makes us deny hard truths and feelings within.

Super sensitivity: It provides liberality for us to develop within what is essential for a life of happiness but also provides open doors and windows for us to get greatly hurt and disappointed. It is usually a constructed reaction built within not by choice but by incapability to become numb/cold and thus it is common for those of us who are super sensitive to wish to become super numb.

The emotional stage of being super sensitive either creates fear in us to recognize our shameful behaviour towards ourselves or make us extremely suitable for self-guilt (which leads to feeling of not deserving to get better). Either way, it (being super sensitive) creates the illusion of weakness, it associates feelings with weakness, because subconsciously the idea that those who care end up suffering is planted because supposedly others will always be able to take advantage but in fact, caring means strength, as long as it is not directed to dependency on others, because if so, it feeds weakness, but it itself is not a weakness.

The feeling of not deserving to get better/be happy:

Its source is self-guilt.

Have you ever felt you didn't deserve to get better or to be happy or to have success after you made mistakes or remembered mistakes or after someone pointed a finger at you? If you did, it is no random feeling because as time goes by and you find yourself in a life of more troubles than peace, those expressions(mistakes and failures) start to convince you that you don't deserve to get better or to have happiness because you make so many mistakes frequently. But there is something you need to understand:

The expressions you make that turn out to induce, create or expand problems/arguments/difficulties are not mere reactions to what's going on in your life and around you but are symptoms from what goes on within yourself.

OVERCOME EMOTIONAL SENSITIVITY AND NUMBNESS: BE FREE FROM COMPULSIVE CODEPENDENCY

Both (super sensitivity and super numbness) provide a benefit and a malice but there is a third way, through which we can develop what is essential for happiness without being vulnerable to fall and dwell in pain. How ?

Through self-respect and self-recognition

Self-respect: By respecting others you do not disrespect yourself: Being polite, loving and understanding to others do not stop you from being the same with yourself, you give yourself a hand when you need as you give others when they need, you encourage yourself as you encourage others.

Self-recognition: You recognize the good you have and the good you do and your sincere regrets when you make mistakes and your efforts to avoid making mistakes, independently if others recognize all that or not. You do not condemn yourself saying "I didn't do enough"; "I can't"; "I am not strong enough", you don't devalue your efforts when you fail, you don't take for granted the good you have and do, even when others take for granted. How?

Take a look within and see the beauty stored in there. Such beauty may not be always expressed or may rarely be expressed, thus others cannot see it or when it is expressed, it may not be appreciated by others but that does not grant it less importance, it just means that there are certain attributes within us that keep us from expressing more of the beauty we have and there are certain attributes in others that keep them from appreciating true beauty (essential instead of superficial).

Self-respect and super sensitivity: To be super sensitive means that sadness obscures reasons we have to respect ourselves, it creates an overwhelming overload of emotions that build a wall in front of our critical/rational thinking, so that we do not access it.

Self-recognition and super numbness: Being numb consequently leads to the devaluation of beautiful feelings and even incapacity to perceive them within, it creates a shadow within us and thus everytime we look at it, we believe it is us and therefore believe there is no beauty to be seen.

Without self-respect and self-recognition, we develop a compulsive dependency:
The compulsion for receiving positivity from outside sources (outside of ourselves), which we make ourselves dependent upon:

There is nothing wrong about wanting and appreciating encouraging and lovely words coming from others towards us (we are social beings, supposed to live in a peaceful, pleasant, harmony community way after all) unless we use it as a tactic in order to ignore and deny the pessimism that got built up within us, then we harm ourselves. why ?

Because what we receive from the outside cannot change what is already built up within, it can only inspire us but the avoidance to face or even acknowledge pessimism within + a compulsive behaviour of needing to hear good, encouraging and lovely words, leaves no room for inspiration from the good we receive. Therefore, the more we receive, the more hungry we get, the void is never filled because it can only be filled by ourselves.

When we base our well-being and happiness on what we receive from the world, it twists our focus from ourselves to others, meaning that however we feel (good or bad) and even our behaviour and reactions "become" a responsibility of those who interact or interacted with us. This way, we free ourselves from the responsibility, and it is easier to blame others for whom we are and what we do that is unpleasant and harmful. No doubt, what others do towards us(directly or indirectly) have an effect on our lives but how we react and respond is based on what is already established within and there are certain behaviours and reactions which are compulsive, they conditioned us to use them repetitively under similar circumstances and when it happens, we become exhausted because our energy is being drained from us.

Did you ever say discouraging words about yourself or about your capabilities in a conversation with someone, just so that someone could give you encouraging positive supporting words? If you remember you did once, you probably have done it many times, because it becomes a vice. Why? Because it helps keep the denial of hard truths within.

There is no shame in acknowledging and admitting it to yourself, nobody needs to know but yourself.

Because, denial is based on fear and a doorway to behavioural and chemical addictions such as compulsion for being enjoyed, cared about and loved, physical harming and chemical substance use, weather alcohol or any other that makes us "forget", that makes us easily amused, easily distracted, easily numb.

The addictions are so tricky that they make us feel that if we stop with them, we will drown forever... They are momentary relief paths, they're not the source of problems. We need to understand the source/sources in order to overcome what got stuck within us and the purification from what is within that actually drowns us will lead to the purification from addictions that make everything heavier upon us. How not to be afraid?

By understanding! Only through understanding we can acquire the confidence needed to move forward. For instance, consider that you are presented with a math problem to solve on your own, and you know nothing about math, you might have confidence in the beginning but although you kept trying your best, as your failures became repetitive, you lost confidence and eventually gave up. Now consider the same situation. The only difference now is that you know a bit about math, you might get the answer wrong many times but your confidence does not deplete because deep in yourself you know you can do it and eventually you resolve it.

The same happens in life. We know that overcoming painful disappointments will free us to be able to be happy, we know that having confidence in ourselves will lead us to accomplishments but we might not know how to do it. You know the outcome and how it can change you for the better but do not know the process to get to such outcome.

If you ever find yourself in such situation, do not blame yourself or let anyone pressure you for not having confidence or having repetitive failures. You need to understand first, so then you can acquire confidence. Sometimes we don't understand but have a huge amount of confidence that comes from our will/desire and when failures continue to happen, the disappointment and discouragement overpowers us and we fall into a deep well of pessimism. But when we base our confidence on knowledge, failures are seen as drivers to get us forward until we reach the goals, instead of pulling us backwards.

If you out there, who have read it this far, find yourself related to anything that is mentioned above, do not despair or feel sad. Instead feel empowered, not because of this message but because of what this message helped you realize on your own, based on your life, on your experiences and on yourself.

This message might have touched on some points which you didn't wanna but in order to heal wounds, weather it's emotional instability, trauma, anxiety, anger issues, depression, addictions, behavioural compulsions and others, we need to face the hard truths within, to clear ourselves from what some of us have been denying for years if not decades, because what we deny in us gets loose to run our subconscious and affect not only our conscious thoughts and emotions during particular situations but run us on an unconscious level that influences our reactions, our behaviour and even our desires and habits.

Hopefully, you have been inspired by this, if so, feel welcome to continue through other messages below.

And always:

Know thyself and know that you hold the power of your own, no one else holds it for you.

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